she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
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