i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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