Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Randomize
