We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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