whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Randomize
