and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
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