I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
