Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
This baby is an asshole
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
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