franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
