I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Randomize
