so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
