All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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