Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
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