He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
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