oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
is wine microwaveable?
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Randomize
