What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Randomize
