Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Randomize
