please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Randomize
