at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Randomize
