Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Randomize
