When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize