Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Randomize
