Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
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