ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
I came so hard my ears popped.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize