yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
