Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
Fuck appropriateness.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
