why didn't you poke me back
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
She swung at the pinata with crutches
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
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