I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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