I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
