i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
