everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Randomize
