The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
Randomize
