The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Randomize
