dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Randomize
