if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
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