i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Randomize
