so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
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