i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
