Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
i hope you realize when i said "grib" earlier i was referring to the gridded binary, a mathematically concise data format commonly used in meteorology to store historical weather forecast data. also meant in referential conjunction to my probability math class that i am failing at roughly 215pm tomorrow afternoon.
I think my fart just growled at me.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Randomize
