It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
