He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
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