I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
