Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
