...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
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