matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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