I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Randomize
