What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
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