i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Randomize
