she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Randomize
