Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
