I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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