is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
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