After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Randomize
