I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
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