I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
