I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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