the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
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