are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Randomize
