Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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