Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Randomize
