You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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