I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
