so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Who died my cat blue again?
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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