How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
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