Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
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