the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Randomize
