I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
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