Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
My ATM looks so different sober.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Randomize
