I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
Randomize
