Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
