I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
Randomize
