Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
