My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
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