I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
