He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
